“You’re into some kink.”

There’s a funny post from The Date Report making the rounds on Facebook today. It’s all about “What Your Bookshelf Says About You To A Date.” The piece is short and definitely intended as humor, but it’s kind of fun and not entirely untrue.

Of course, tracking what my books say about me to a date is somewhat difficult, because A) I haven’t actually been on a date with anyone but my wife in fifteen years (we just went on a date last night, actually), and B) since my wife is a librarian and I’m an English professor and a writer, we have a pretty diverse library.

But whatever. All in good fun, yes? So here are the handful of book combos that apply to me, and the things those books apparently say about me.

“Alice Munro and Raymond Carver: You’re quiet by nature, but intriguing if people take the time to get to know you.”

Everyone who knows me is cracking up right now. “Quiet by nature”? Several years ago, someone gave me a copy of the children’s book The Loudness of Sam, as though it were my biography! But man oh man, I do love Alice Munro and Raymond Carver!

“Well-worn Austen and Bronte: You think men aren’t what they used to be. If you’re a dude, you’re trying to impress the ladies.”

Yep. Sort of. The Austens and Brontes are all my wife’s, but I’ve read about half the Austens and plan to pick up Charlotte Bronte this summer. Also, we have a cat named Bronte, so that ought to tell you a lot right there. And my wife is my Lizzie, so that whole Darcy-is-the-ideal-man thing works the other way around, too. 🙂

“Flannery O’Connor, Don DeLillo, Cormac McCarthy: You get moody and dark after sex.”

What if it’s all of McCarthy but only one DeLillo and I somehow don’t own any O’Connor even though I love her? Can I have the dark and moody as well as the sex but not necessarily in the same sentence?

“Unadorned stack of Hemingway: You can handle your liquor, and you’re almost definitely a good lay.”

Now we’re talking!

* The title of this post is also from the Date Report piece: it’s their judgment on someone who owns a lot of Palahniuk. I’ve read a few but I only own one. That one’s autographed, though….